just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think your dad took our porno
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
