before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
