If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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