Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
