If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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