He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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