Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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