Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
