my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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