i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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