I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
