Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your cock deserves a montage
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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