I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
