I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
