So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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