I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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