he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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