but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
