i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
