nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
