Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
