Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
