Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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