So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
