It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
