I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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