oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.