Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.