Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who died my cat blue again?