Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.