woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
