Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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