no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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