I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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