You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
