Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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