at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
