You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
