Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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