You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
