when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
