Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
