I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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