your parents love me but you hate me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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