It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
