I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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