it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Come on in and take your pants off
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