Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
