Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
