I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
