bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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