Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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