Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
