So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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