Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
