i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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