I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
