put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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