i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
