It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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