she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
