I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
