Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You don't make any sense
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