so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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