You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
