Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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