i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
