Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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