He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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