Your face is a jimmy john
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
