My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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