i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
her facebook's as public as her vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i now understand why vodka
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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